Personal Freedom

If freedom is freedom of choice, then we are more free in a huge mega super market on the aisle with hundreds of different types of cereal, or tampons, or whatever.

If freedom is freedom of time to our selves, then we are more free in Trader Joes or the corner 7-eleven with one type of toilet paper and one type of cat litter.

Your freedom to swing your arm stops where my nose begins but my freedom to kill you depends on my countries leaders deciding what evil you are up to, and our incompetence at finding any better way of stopping you from doing harm to us and ours. The lines are not always clear, but they are crystalline in a time of action, following orders, executing the protocol, performing the function we have practiced for again and again. Persons defending personal freedom.

When I joined the Navy, my father asked me how I could give up my freedom. I said I was happy to give up my freedom to go hungry, to be without medical care, and my freedom to find a way to support my fiancé… which I had not found any way to do before I talked to a recruiter. She was free to leave me after I joined.

When I was in the Navy, I knew when I was free (on leave) and when I was not (on duty) and I could manage both; enjoy either. Now, as a “bread winner” I am never free of the drive to earn more, and guilt follows every moment away from my pursuit of the dollar. Abuse victims find freedom from the abuse in their minds, but there is no freedom from our own tyranny.

It’s been said that a King has more freedom than a slave and then it’s been said that a slave has more freedom than a king.

It’s a silly little word, with no apparent meaning. And yet I’ve fought for it, without understanding; and comprehend it less with each passing day. It eludes me as I age. Will I eventually loose my freedom to live? Or find freedom some day in death?

Am I free to stop thinking about this non-sense and get back to work?

A (very) dark poem

This is the darkest thing I've ever written. 

Like everything written, it’s a lie (I didn’t see that in Iraq, I was in the gulf, not in the country, but I’ve seen it in through others eyes and in pictures online) and it is inspired by another poem from a dear friend which has been eating at me (in a good way) for years.

It's about MY war guilt. If you are a veteran or show it to one, keep in mind this is MY war guilt, not anyone else. Don't cry that I'm saying anything about the service, 'cause I'm not.

This also isn't about politics, so don't say that this party did that or that president did this. The consumers did it; the consumers elected the leaders; the lobbyists paid off the leaders with money they got from consumers purchasing corporate products.

It's about MY consumer guilt. If you’re a consumer, then yes; it’s also about YOU. Take 5 seconds to think about what you’re grown in oil, plastic packaged; transported 'round the world, life is doing to other people.

There are a lot of references to things I guess some people might not recognize. If it doesn’t make sense, click on the stars. If there are too many of those, I guess it won’t reach people.

Thank you for reading this… what I would really like is harsh, honest, painful feedback on whether or not it reached you at all and how it could be changed to reach more people, and in a better way. Please tell me what parts had an impact and what parts left you cold or confused. 

And most of all, now that I’m holding this foul little thing, what do I do with it?

GODLESS BABY KILLER

I lost my God outside Iraq

She walked away from me

A beautiful little Arab girl

with half a face I see*

Amazing grace how sweet that sounds

B’what saves that wretch from me?

My own little girl has both her eyes

god help her eyes to see.*

Did we pray "rain!" for our crop was dry

and curse our neighbors yield?

For he had watered all along...

and can't eat a rotting field.*

Today her neighbor is next door

and half, the wide world ‘round

and how she prays for cheaper gas

says where the guns are bound

There are too many of us now

for just one god to know.

I’m scared to pick a god to fear

if again, this gun must go.*

If I could ever sleep again

and never see that eye*

and only see my daughters face

and never wonder why…

the butterfly flapped it's lovely wings*

around the fuel pump fill 'er

And told the lords of war that I

must be a godless baby killer

The solution to mysogany must include MEN.

I read a really interesting post while browsing for Joss Wheadon / Firefly stuff. The overlay post is about the girl who was stoned to death by her family for falling in love with a Suni. Joss posted a plea for action, and some of the following comments where made by women who obviously have issues (not that I blame them) with men. Then this guy came along:

http://whedonesque.com/comments/13271#176025

...the simple fact is, the issue of violence against women isn’t going to be settled unless male sexuality is respectfully included in the equation. Denigrating it out of hand, condemning it outright, using it as a tool of shame and disgrace, that isn’t going to work. I’ve read an awful lot from hurt women on this board, and my heart goes out to all of you. There is no doubt that you have to put up with a lot of crap, just for being women. And you don’t want to hear about the crap that men put up with, because in many cases you a) don’t think it’s valid, considering we’re the ones doing all of the oppressing and b) why should we complain because we’re at the top of the social and cultural heap. The fact that we have our own issues, values, concerns and desires is inconsequential to your equation,...
...
You’ll call me a misogynist (unfairly), a sexist (because you haven’t tried to listen), an apologist (because you think me and my life are indefensible) and worse. Go ahead. I’m used to it. I’ve been called all of those things since I was 7 years old, before I even knew what a penis was for. By the time I was 12, I knew for a fact that, despite my inability to have any kind of control over my own life, I was single-handedly responsible for all of the worlds ills from slavery to the Holocaust, and that I was incapable of doing anything else unless I was willing to surrender my testicles first – and even then, I still couldn’t ever really understand. By the time I was 18, being the “sensitive guy” I was told every woman wanted my entire life hadn’t panned out because despite the rhetoric, on a personal level those same “feminists” were passing up sensitive guys like spoiled meat in favor of the very macho idiots they claimed to despise.
...
According to all the proper polls, I’m the guy with the most power in the world, no matter how personally ineffectual and inconsequential I feel. I safely own guns for a variety of reasons, I play violent video games upon occasion, I like pornography, and I love sex in all of its manifestations. Doubtlessly, by now you have written me off as an “oppressor” based on my vital statistics. My point: Any solution of violence against women is going to have to have the support of me and my white male suburban peers, however distasteful you find me and my lifestyle.

I'm not saying I agree with that, but he hits a few nerves, and the logic of his final point seems inescapable to me. Men, and I mean MEN, need to be included in the solution, or killed off entirly.

Tortured, used, and discarded.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/05/11/AR2009051103412.html

[Ibn al-Sheikh al-Libi] became the unnamed source, according to Senate investigators, behind Bush administration claims in 2002 and 2003 that Iraq had provided training in chemical and biological weapons to al-Qaeda operatives.

...

The Defense Intelligence Agency and some analysts at the CIA had questioned the veracity of Libi's testimony, which was obtained after the prisoner was transferred to Egyptian custody for questioning by the CIA, according to Senate investigators.

...

When President George W. Bush ordered the 2006 transfer to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, of high-value detainees previously held in CIA custody, Libi was pointedly missing. Human rights groups had long suspected that Libi was instead transferred to Libya, but the CIA had never confirmed where he was sent.

"I would speculate that he was missing because he was such an embarrassment to the Bush administration," said Tom Malinowski, the head of the Washington office of Human Rights Watch. "He was Exhibit A in the narrative that tortured confessions contributed to the massive intelligence failure that preceded the Iraq war."

...

The Libyan newspaper Oed reported Sunday that Libi was found dead in his cell after killing himself, but added that friends of the 46-year-old former preacher, who ran a terrorist training camp in Afghanistan, questioned the alleged cause of death.

Tortured to justify an unnecessary war, then "dissappeared" when he became an embarrisment and now murdered... They must be getting worried!

Violence, moral delimmas, and "The Watchmen"

Our local youth group leader suggested using "The Watchmen" as a "jumping off point" for the discussion of moral delimas. I was torn; thought about it a lot, and wrote the following:

---

As I continue to read reviews and hear from friends who have seen "The Watchmen", I become more and more concerned about the level of violence in the film. A number of people have been very concerned about the full frontal male nudity that appears repeatedly in the movie, but that doesn't really bother me too much; what does disturb me greatly are close-ups of someone's head repeatedly hacked with a hatchet, people exploding from the inside out, rape, etc... My coworker who loves horror flicks told me she was shocked by this movie.

I'm trying to find the time to go and browse a copy of the comic book version to see if it is any less disrespectful of human life, but my general understanding is that it is no better.

I've tried very hard to teach my children that violence is not acceptable. That any human who sees a violent act or a simulation of a violent act should be sickened by it. I am greatly concerned that our youth, through video games, movies, and "art" are becoming inured to the horror of violence. It continues to amaze me that parents, on the one hand allow their kids to play first person shooters, and on the other hand are shocked and horrified when a few of them follow the example and go "Columbine" on the world.

I've made exceptions in what movies I allow them to see, and those exceptions were meant to teach them that violence IS part of our REAL world. So I would not mind if they watched "Saving Private Ryan" or "Glory" or "Casualties of War" because they show what can and actually has happened at the hands of violent men. We watched "Master and Commander" together and didn't turn away when the cabin boy lost a limb and the decks were slick with blood. We watched "Georgia Rule" together and talked about rape and incest. I don't mind "CSI" or "Bones" because they show violent people being brought to justice, and the violence is presented in a shocking way that tends to make it even more unacceptable. "House" shows that blood and guts are a natural part of what is inside us.

The movies and video games I despise are those that make violence an accepted part of the story, or even go so far as to glorify it. "Saw #", ("Texas Chain" or otherwise), "Grand Theft Auto", etc... So many make violence the primary method of solving a problem, showing "heroic" men mowing down their opponents while glossing over the fact that those men helped to create the situation that made the violence necessary, or at the very least, were unable to find any better way to solve the problem. "Commando" was a perfect example: His daughter was kidnapped because of what he did for a living.

"First Blood" (the first Rambo movie) was an exception, because he did everything he could to avoid the violence while still protecting his freedom. Some of the old Chuck Norris films tried to present violence as the last resort. In "Burn Notice", the lead actively tries to solve problems with the lowest possible body count. "MacGyver" etc...

Having said all that, and I said it mostly to make sure you understand how I, as a veteran of foreign wars feel about violence in media, if you are sure that the benefit of pursuing "The Watchmen" as an example of morel dilemmas outweighs the damage of exposing Allie to that sort of unnecessary violence, then I will give my blessing to her seeing the movie and reading the comic. I have respect for your opinion, and a great appreciation of your efforts. As a man, I bow to the better record of your sex with regard to violence, although I think most of that is due to the men getting sent in to deal with the problem after everyone else has failed.

If you say it's worth doing, I will trust you with my daughter. I do not speak for my wife.

I wish you could find another "jumping off point." Perhaps something about the tradeoffs between dropping the nuke on Japan and letting the war play out conventionally? Or any of the many stories of ordering young men into a loosing battle to win a war? If it has to be violent, why not "Full Metal Jacket" or "Born on the 4th" or "Forrest Gump" or even a few episodes of "MASH" like the ones about Hawlkeye loosing his mind because the noisy chicken the woman smothered when the V.C. were passing the bus wasn't actually a chicken. There's a moral dilemma for you... All of us dead or just the one little... hatchling.

I hope you teach them well. I don't think I could take on that job.